Good things

Today I'm very glad I have my tubes tied. Actually in a way I'm not. I was at Jon and Ann's blog reading her labor story (today is the anniversary of her due date). I got to the end, and wanted to cry. It was so touching reading through every detail with her. My stories were never as exciting, but remembering how I felt and how wonderful it was to give birth all those feelings came flooding back. Then I realized, I will never do that again and it's sad in a way.

If I didn't have my tubes tied, I think I would truly be crazy enough to beg Dana to let us have another. And if he was crazy enough to agree.... (he's not) all would be wonderful until reality hit me. I would realize another child was on the way and probably need to be committed. Our two are more than enough for me to handle.

I think that Mo's first birthday occurring just a few days from now helps these feelings grow. My baby is a toddler. And before I know it he will be a preschooler. I still can't believe how grown up Kaia seems. Using adult phrases like "mommy do you think it's safe for me to ride in this car?" How she came up with that I will never know. So it's hard to give up the baby years, but I'm looking forward to my kids growing up and becoming more independent.

That still leaves me with these feelings and what to do about them. Maybe I'll become a surrogate, but probably not. I am still considering becoming a doula, although not right at this moment. As the kids grow up a little more, I could take the classes, become certified, and help moms-to-be through their labor. It's an idea I keep coming back to, so maybe in the next few years I'll have a second job. One that would be exciting and fulfilling.