Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Lessons Learned

Bryce looking just like he was laughing at us! 21 weeks

Brendon with his hand up to his cheek. 21 weeks

These past 3 weeks have gone by in a blur. In so many ways we are lucky that from the time of diagnosis to surgery on the boys was just days apart. I've realized now that waiting could have been agony. I'm also so thankful that we were able to have the surgery done, I've heard from other women that weren't good candidates for the surgery, and then on Sunday a friend told me that one of her patients has kidney disease. A young patient that will likely begin to need dialysis soon. When she asked the mom what happened, the answer was Twin to Twin and she hadn't had surgery.

The boys continue to look great at check ups. We have one this week, and one next week, and then I'm back in town with Dr. Rowles! I'm eagerly awaiting that day. That is the day when we no longer spend full days driving to Seattle, we will no longer watch all of our income go into the gas tank, parking fees, and fast food lunches, and I won't have to sit in the scary bunny-boob-bikini art room that is University of Washington Medical Center's Maternal Infant Care Clinic. picture to follow if the waiting room isn't packed full of people

I believe that God had a plan in all of this. Just like He had a plan for me to get pregnant, and then to really throw Dana and I off with twins. He had a lesson for me, one that I've never wanted to learn. The most important lesson I'm taking from all of this is that I don't have to be so independent.

My stubborn independence permeates my life. Some time ask Dana how many times I've actually cried because I was scared, or upset. Unless it's tears of frustration, even Dana and the kids don't see me cry. I just don't cry in front of other people, maybe I fear it shows weakness.

I don't like to ask for help. I don't ask for help carrying a box, or moving furniture, I just do it. When finances have been tight or non-existant, I've juggled and moved things to squeak us by, anything to keep from having to admit that I might need help. Even when it has come to prayer requests, I've always felt better asking people to pray for others, and not me.

Yet in the last month, all of that has changed. I've asked for prayers for me and the entire family not just from my moms devotional group, and not just from church, but from the whole wide blogging world. I've asked for help with meals during my week of bedrest and for some to stock in the freezer to eat after a long day in Seattle. I've asked for help with childcare and grocery shopping. I've even had to ask for temporary help with finances and gratefully accepted cash to help cover trip expenses.

It has been a hard lesson to learn. One that I don't think I would have learned had the lives of our boys not been endangered. And it's still a lesson in progress, as I struggle to write this and hit publish post. But, I'm thankful that I am learning the lesson, and I'm thankful for the good that has come from this experience. Dana and I are more dedicated than ever to working together to bring these boys into our family safe and healthy!


Just Breathe said...

God has a way to make us humble.

Mallory said...

I'm sitting here tearing up. Your journey is so amazing and watching it unfold has touched my life. You are a very strong person, and I know God is truly with your family. I'm so happy your boys are doing well, and I will continue to pray for your family.

Casii said...

In our weakness, we become strong. DH and I have been praying for you all.
Pray for us too, lots of warfare on the student ministry front. Big meeting tonight and I really want to see God's will and grace work in a mighty way; that we won't get in His way.

(I want to see that photo!)

Anonymous said...

I always tried to raise you and your brother to be independant and strong individuals. I think, however, I somehow forgot to teach you the ability to allow others to do for you. Sometimes,God allows us to help others by accepting their offers,whether it be food, money or worldly goods. Remember, one of His commands to us is to love one another and do good to one another. If people do not allow others to give to them, those of us who are givers feel unneeded and can't do the work God wants US to do. You have been amazingly strong through all of the turmoil that has been your life for the last month. Accept from others with a smile and a thank-you, so the other person is able to show their love for you.

Anonymous said...

TJ, I think God's at work in some mysterious, but positive way with you and me both. I often stop and think and compare your situations and mine.
Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Great comment from your mom. Listen to your mother!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

God Rocks!

Tina said...

Hi TJ,
This is Tina from Living Without Sophia & Ellie. I was lying in bed last night thinking about what I would tell a mother pregnant with twins if I knew one, and you popped in my head. You are so fortunate to be in the position you are in. Do not take one moment for granted because things can change very quickly. I do not say that to scare you, just to make you aware. I know you are being closely monitored, but if for any reason you feel something may not be right, or something is different, do not hesitate to tell a doctor. Call or let them know right away. Do not chalk it up to being pregnant with twins, or because you are older than last time, or whatever rationalization you may come up with...tell someone. I sit and wonder everyday if I had done this, if someone had told me this, would my outcome with my girls be different. I will never know, but if I can prevent someone else from being in my situation and feeling my pain, then I will. I pray for you and the health of your sweet boys. (Please do not hesitate to contact me for any reason.)

Mrs. Mordecai said...

I am so glad that your boys are doing well. It's so hard to accept help! I find myself getting better at it as I get older and have kids, but it's still so hard. I'd definitely rather be on the giving end, like you! I try to remember that by accepting service, I'm giving someone else the opportunity to serve.

Gardengirl1952 said...

You do so much for everyone all the time and now it is your turn to have things done for you. You might really enjoy all the help when you really relax. Please let us know what we can help with.
Love ya, Aunt Linda

jennifer said...

I read this post in my reader and got teary eyed over your honesty. Your mom's comment made my eyes tear up again.

God is good TJ. I am so thankful that we are bound by that truth.

Ronnica said...

I'm thankful that God DOES allow us to learn lessons in the hard times!